Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Sorority Girls Like it Bloody!

Perhaps our title is just a wee bit misleading.  It should read "Alpha Beta Girls Who are Really Part of a Satanic Cult Offering Sacrifices to the Dark Lord in Exchange for Money Power and Success Like it Bloody." At least in the new indie movie Alpha Girls by Tony Trov and Johnny Zito, thats how it goes.

"I'm gonna chop you up!"  Don't worry, not a real line.  Click here to view the Alpha Girls site.

Trov and Zito, big pimpin infront of Alpha House. 

The Man-Meat and I were very lucky enough to see a viewing of this movie at the start of it's East Coast tour.  Complete with top-secret, speak easy style, viewing theater! We will admit we both thought we were being lured into a trap to be murdered... or maybe just tortured.   Who would ever suspect a bunch of horror and comedy writers?  So, after no sign of kool-aid, duct tape or plastic clowns were spotted, we relaxed, chatted with the directors and enjoyed the show. 

Juliet, April, Veronica, Morgan and Cassidy

A successful kickstarter project, Alpha Girls was made for a mere $12,000, over 18 days in the hottest part of the summer. I know I embellish facts often but I do believe those numbers are correct, making the results that much more amazing.  Shot in a 120 year old frat house in Philadelphia, the story follows 4 pledges to the most elite sorority in America: Alpha Beta. With dark secrets behind it's doors, the Alpha house has provided some of the worlds most influential women.  Including some surprising faces in politics!  Morgan (Falon Joslyn), Cassidy (Beverly Rivera), Juliet (Nicole Elise) and April (Kara Zhang) have all come for different reasons but are brought together by a dream of reaching their goals with AB... and a very cramped laundry room.
Sorority President Veronica (Nikki Bell) reads from Alpha Beta's sacred book of dark secrets.  Ooooooh, Spooky!
Look!  Blood!!

For everything you ask of the dark lord, a sacrifice must be made.  So, after a seemingly simple fish bowl ritual, things take a bloody turn towards WTF when the consequences of their actions are finally realized.  If the girls dare to go back on their deals, things could fall apart and all their hard lack-of-work would be for naught!  Do they risk everything?  Or do they do as Alpha Girls before them and rise to the top through blood, sweat and more blood?

mmmmm... delicious!

Alpha Girls has a strong plot and an original story.  Some of the characters come across as intentionally hokie and over the top, adding to the movies enjoyment and humor.  I am one of those people that can usually guess how a movie ends from the get-go, controlling the future with my amazing mind powers but this movie was FULL of surprises!  Not overly gory or goofy, just a genuinely good story dealing with satanic rituals and the sorority mixed up with them.

Oh...  And the Jewish porn-star, Ron Jeremy, as a priest.  Not to mention a cameo by the one and only Schoolly D!  Awesome.  For a good time without the fear of catching a case of the itchy trousers, go see this movie and enjoy all the wonder that pink argyle (a personal favorite) can provide.  Another bonus is the soundtrack provided by the seven-piece rock band Southwork.  Channeling their creepy, they recorded it live at the infamously haunted Eastern State Penitentiary.  How rad is that?!

If you are lucky enough to be in an area on their tour, check it out!  If you don't see your city now, don't fear, rumor is they are already planning a second and you should be able to purchase the movie soon.  Here are the current dates:

1/29 TU: Chapel Hill, NC
Arts Center Live
300-G East Main St
Carrboro, NC 27510

1/31 TH: Wilmington, NC
USO Community Arts Center
120 South 2nd Street,
Wilmington, NC 28401

2/2 ST: Savannah, GA
Psychotronic Film Society of Savannah
Address TBD

2/5 TU: Atlanta, GA
Plaza Theater
1049 Ponce De Leon Ave.
Atlanta, GA 30306

2/6 WD: Knoxville, TN
The Pilot Light
106 East Jackson Avenue
Knoxville, TN 37915

2/8 FR: Nashville, TN
Black Raven Emporium
2915 Gallatin Pike
Nashville, TN

2/9 ST: Louisville, KY
The Alley
1205 East Washington Street
Louisville, KY 40206

2/13 WD: Indianapolis, IN
Irving Theater
5505 East Washington Street
Indianapolis, IN 46219

2/14 TH: LaFayette, IN
Ant Pharm
1608 n. 13th street
Lafayette, IN ,47904

2/15 FR: Chicago, IL
Adventure Stage Chicago
1012 North Noble
Chicago, Illinois 60642

2/16 ST: Fort Wayne, IN
Cinema Center
437 E Berry St.
Fort Wayne, IN 46802

2/18 MN: Muncie, IN
Be Here Now
505 N. Dill St
Muncie, IN 47303

2/19 TU: Cincinnati, OH
Keenan House
752 Keenan Ave
Cincinnati, OH

2/21 TH: Columbus, OH
Grand View Theater
1247 Grandview Avenue
Columbus, OH

2/23 ST: Pittsburgh, PA
Hollywood Theater
1449 Potomac Avenue
Pittsburgh, PA 15216

If you would like to learn more about what these young chaps are up to , like their comic Moon Girl or their Graphic Novel DOGS of Mars,  Follow them on Facebook or at  their site AlphaGirlsMovie.Com. Until next time, my creepy little bloody sorority ghouls, stay pretty and prepare!

Monday, January 21, 2013

Book Review: A Book of Horrors

Although it has taken me ten million years to get to it, we are FINALLY kicking off our book reviews!! *Hooray!  Crowd cheers!  Everyone is excited and throwing confetti and baking pies and stuff!!*  Some of you may already know I also write for the very awesome NEWS site ZombieWorldNews.Com, where you can see some exclusive posts as well as MORE book reviews.  We're friends.  We work together and you can't hide from me.  I AM EVERYWHERE!!! Anywho, to see what my overly-opinionated self had to say about Survivors: The MorningStar Saga by Z.A. Recht and Zombie Island by Lori Handeland click


Now that you've read those reviews and decided you like what I have got to say, lets get on with our newest book:  A Book of Horrors.  First and foremost, I need to mention this is an anthology and I do not usually care for those.  Although I pick up quite a few, I find many short stories are disappointing, under-developed and lacking of a decent ending.  So, it was with great hesitation that I began this one compiled and edited by Stephen Jones.  The premise was both refreshing and original: keep it old school.  Leave the modern overly bloody, unnecessary (but awesome!) gore out and focus on the root of what scares people.  Sometimes it's ourselves, what awaits us when we have no light or it's the unknown or what we think we see from the corner of our eye.

You should click on this.

What I liked: Kicking off with Stephen Kings' story "The Little Green God of Agony," the book immediately provides an alternative to why we feel pain.  A unique take as to what lies beneath our skin and claws to get out.  While some of the following stories do become forgetful, the majority are an enjoyable read.  The short that has stayed with me the most was "The Music of Bengt Karlsson, Murderer" by John Ajvide Lindqvist.  I can not stress how much I loved this story!!  I was completely entranced by the telling.  Once I thought I knew what was going to happen, I was startled by many unexpected twists.  A man moves his son to a new home to escape the sadness left behind by his recently deceased wife.  The only thing he keeps of his beloved is her piano and he encourages his teenage son to take lessons so as not to become completely desensitized by video games. Only their new house has a story of it's own and music is more powerful than we ever knew.  Other notable stories were  "Ghosts with Teeth" by Peter Crowther, "The Coffin Maker's Daughter" by Angela Slatter and "Last Words" by Richard Christian Matheson.

What made me say meh: Honestly, there was only one story that I truly did not like and just a couple that did absolutely nothing for me.  One in particular, and I'm not calling anyone out here, involving plastic mannequins just angered me.  Perhaps it's my day job involving dressing these lifeless props that has jaded me but it could have been much better.

Who is this book for: Anyone who likes to make the hair on the back of their neck stand without an overly graphic platter of blood and guts.  One story, "Near Zennor" by Elizabeth Hand, made me realized I am terribly claustrophobic and afraid of the dark.  If you like primal fear, this book is perfect.

Who should wait this one out:  There is not one zombie nor vampire in this book. Anyone looking for those monsters and a lot of blood should pass.

Recommended: Most definitely.  It's a good break between novels.  No long term commitment and the stories are clever.

Overall:  A light read in the classic realm of horror.  A Book of Horrors touches on a variety of fears and provides the reader with many captivating tales and delightful spine tingles.  I give this anthology 3 tasty bits of brain matter and a half of a still beating heart.  (That's 3.5 stars out of 5 and for those "whole star" systems, round up to 4.  I'm telling you, I just loved Lindqvists story!).

Look for more reviews here in the future.  While you wait, don't forget to check out ZombieWorldNews.com.  Until next time when we reveal the true underdog of the post-apocalyptic world, remember to stay pretty and prepare!

**The details:  A Book of Horrors
                        Edited by Stephen Jones
                        St. Martin's Griffin

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

A Resolve to Not Resolve

Believe me, I am just as surprised as anybody that we actually made it through 2012 without any type of apocalyptic mayhem.  Of course, no one wanted the Mayans to be right either.   Those arrogant bastards were just haunting the tombs of their extinct heritage, waiting to point and laugh. Well who's laughing now?!  You're dead AND wrong!  Take that Mayans...

As every new year begins, a few things always repeat themselves: We reflect upon the year that ended (No zombies, no known aliens and no lottery winnings) and make resolutions for the months up ahead ( lose weight, lead a zombie killing militia successfully into battle and win the lottery).  However, both seem to be a disappointment.  Last year pretty much blew chunks and we all hope this year is better but will do nothing to ensure that it is.  After January 3rd, the only goal most of us will have will be to write the correct numbers after the date and month.  All those other things have quickly been forgotten.  Sure, you pass a gym everyday on your way home from work but do you even know what the interior looks like?  I think that muffin top answers my question.  I'm not hating... you know I got one too...

If only all muffin tops were this cute...

While all these positive thinking resolutions are swell, I wonder what they will be like once our apocalyptic doom bringers come.  
"First, I'll be all like take that meow!  And then I'll be all like: doing your mom!"

Here is my best guess for a post-apocalyptic new years resolution list:

  1. Not die of the plague
  2. Not die of a zombie bite
  3. Avoid alien abduction... or...
  4. Achieve alien adduction.  Depends on type of aliens.
  5. Learn to macrame with human skin
On the other side of the spectrum... do the undead, doomed to walk the Earth as their former self rots away, have resolutions?
Let him in and he will tell you it's plan...
Hmmm, I wonder...

  1. Since becoming infected with this experimental, man-made virus I have noticed that as my flesh decomposes, my brain function has improved.  In my first two days, I was able to not only figure out a cure for cancer but find a way to combat and reverse the damage of global warming.  Unfortunately, I have been unable to communicate my findings to the genetically inferior humans. With my time on this archaic planet dwindling away, I feel my only goal going forward in this new year of the gregorian calendar will be to find a way to share my vast knowledge with these unfortunate mortals.  If only the stupid beasts would listen...  
"BRRRRRAAAAIIIIINS!!" translates loosely into "Pffft, I tried to warn you but  you just had to go in the basement!"

I feel the best way to not be disappointed by not achieving our goals is to not have any.  That is right!  No resolutions from this gal!!  I'm already awesome, at least to pre-zombie, crazy-cat-lady standards. Which, quite honestly, are not the highest.  I've also mastered the art of being the most unprepared "prepared" person.  What else is there?  Hop on a treadmill?  I think not!  This year is just a continuation of last and I do believe we will be equally awesome as long as we:
  • Continue not caring what other people think
  • Do not activate the machine!  Just act cool... pretend it's not even there... ignore the lure of that shiny, beautiful red button...
  • get rid of this muffin top
Ok, so maybe a few resolutions.  Whether you choose to have some or not, I hope this year is pretty swell for ya.  Most importantly, stay pretty and prepare!