As every new year begins, a few things always repeat themselves: We reflect upon the year that ended (No zombies, no known aliens and no lottery winnings) and make resolutions for the months up ahead ( lose weight, lead a zombie killing militia successfully into battle and win the lottery). However, both seem to be a disappointment. Last year pretty much blew chunks and we all hope this year is better but will do nothing to ensure that it is. After January 3rd, the only goal most of us will have will be to write the correct numbers after the date and month. All those other things have quickly been forgotten. Sure, you pass a gym everyday on your way home from work but do you even know what the interior looks like? I think that muffin top answers my question. I'm not hating... you know I got one too...
|If only all muffin tops were this cute...|
While all these positive thinking resolutions are swell, I wonder what they will be like once our apocalyptic doom bringers come.
|"First, I'll be all like take that meow! And then I'll be all like: doing your mom!"|
Here is my best guess for a post-apocalyptic new years resolution list:
- Not die of the plague
- Not die of a zombie bite
- Avoid alien abduction... or...
- Achieve alien adduction. Depends on type of aliens.
- Learn to macrame with human skin
On the other side of the spectrum... do the undead, doomed to walk the Earth as their former self rots away, have resolutions?
|Let him in and he will tell you it's plan...|
Hmmm, I wonder...
- Since becoming infected with this experimental, man-made virus I have noticed that as my flesh decomposes, my brain function has improved. In my first two days, I was able to not only figure out a cure for cancer but find a way to combat and reverse the damage of global warming. Unfortunately, I have been unable to communicate my findings to the genetically inferior humans. With my time on this archaic planet dwindling away, I feel my only goal going forward in this new year of the gregorian calendar will be to find a way to share my vast knowledge with these unfortunate mortals. If only the stupid beasts would listen...
|"BRRRRRAAAAIIIIINS!!" translates loosely into "Pffft, I tried to warn you but you just had to go in the basement!"|
- Continue not caring what other people think
- Do not activate the machine! Just act cool... pretend it's not even there... ignore the lure of that shiny, beautiful red button...
- get rid of this muffin top
Ok, so maybe a few resolutions. Whether you choose to have some or not, I hope this year is pretty swell for ya. Most importantly, stay pretty and prepare!