Wednesday, March 2, 2011

"Scratch Power, Activate"

It's been one of those days...

Hairs a wreck.  Make-up ruined.  You actually broke a sweat!  Not the sexy kind, the one where you dab a little water along your chest and above the brow, stand at the highest peak and face the sun begging for attention.  No the sun wasn't shinning.  There was no bottled water.  The only glistening comes from the machete at your side, blood still wet.

You've spent hours contemplating how this could happen...

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Good chance this is NOT you.  You probably need a shower.

Still no answer.

Look at your hands.  Did you ever think it was possible? The nails chipped broken and in dire need of a manicure.  How could you go so long without one?  Not only are they absolutely atrocious, they have done some dirty, dirty things... like dishes... in a river... with things swimming in it!

Loading a magazine has not helped your manicure at all and it has become a part of daily life.  Every bullet chips a little more polish off.  And lets face it!  Supply runs never seem to include any replenishment of your favorite 0.P.I. color.  Quite selfish if you ask me...  It's time to come up with a better maintenance option.

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If your nails look like this alive, feel free to be the group sacrifice...

First, go natural darlings!  lose the polish altogether and go for a neat short look.  The initial adjustment will be tough but remember, you can give the impression that you are just starting a trend.  Chipped nails will make you look like a disaster and send the message " I make great bait!"  You don't have to have a functional medulla oblongata to spot a bad manicure so, let's not bring any unnecessary attention to yourself.  Even a zombie deserves better.

Second, acquire a multi-tool complete with a nail file.  Your supply bag should be light and only have necessities.  A Swiss Army tool will NEVER be tossed out.  This will be another opportunity to establish yourself as useful and prepared, not just the group pretty.  A little serrated knife, pocket scissors and a tiny screwdriver are all useful tools as well.  Don't over do it with useless add-ons.  You need to be able to keep it in a cargo pocket and run, especially when your brains start looking desirable to a recently bitten survivor... however, a heavy-duty hatchet and a quick wack to the head could prevent this attack.

Frail nails will do more harm than good. ( Really, have they ever done any good?)  Every time they break, you instinctively pull back with an "oww" and a quick analysis, disrupting your focus.  This could easily lead to a chomp on your arm by a near-by undead attacker.  A non-filed edge could snag and catch on your shirt slowing your response when reaching for your side-arm.  Rather then deal with the consequences, prevent the problem.  A little maintenance goes along way.  Don't let a lack of simple beauty care be your downfall.  Besides, every one is depending on you to remind them of all the beauty left in the world... YOU!

So as always my darlings, stay pretty and prepare!

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