Friday, March 18, 2011

Red Rover, Red Rover Please Send Over... PICARD!

Are you stuck with a group of survivors who are always cutting it too close?  Tired of bailing particular members out of trouble over and over and over again?  Are you sick of smelling putrid decaying flesh within an uncomfortably close proximity when you could of just saved your own ass and made a run for it?  Do you wish you had never got into this situation... ?

Well, we can't undo the Zombie Apocalypse (plus, we all know it really is a dream come true...) but we can be preventative.  How often have you watched a movie and thought "Oh no!  That fool's gonna die!"? It's so obvious!   We all know what's about to happen.  These fools are called "red shirts"- Star Trek geeks know what i'm talking about... People introduced into a series or an episode or whatever just to die.  A necessary casualty.   The worst part is THEY have no idea that their sole purpose is death.  The key is to identify these red shirts before they join your group and stop them!

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Last time we mentioned socks and sandals - a common red shirt wardrobe malfunction.  This is one of many examples.  Another very obvious clue would be an actual red shirt complete with the S.T. crest.  If they have a communicator in hand and look like they just left a convention good chance he is already infected and hiding a bite wound.   Not to say all geeks and Star trek fans are Red shirts.  I happen to be depending my precious beautiful life on one of these loving dorks.  He is my Captain Picard.  Thats right.  My preference is totally Jean-Luc.  He is a man that won't bend or waiver.  He is never weak and he knows "there are FOUR lights!" Patrick Stewart and everything he does is amazing, but I digress....  So just because they can recite every alien encounter by episode and series does not mean they are a red shirt.  Look for more.

Jean luc picard 7
"Do you have any Gatorade?  I seem to have left my electrolytes in your daughter..."

Do they look like they just walked outta the Jersey Shore?  Keep walking, honey.  There is a particular word for this type of red-shirt.  It's called a douche. Who has frosted tips anymore?  Yes, we here at Pretty & Putrid look good, but we haven't lost our brain... obviously!  All natural beauty, baby!  A fake-n-bake tan isn't gonna save lives and a fist bump won't stop a horde.  RED SHIRT!!!

Rat tail and a fanny pack? RED SHIRT!  Puppy in a purse?  RED SHIRT!!  Lip gloss and a shotgun?  KEEPER!!!

Although we need to help our fellow man and come together against the awakened corpses roaming the Earth,  we also need to be smart.  Some people will not make it and they are just going to drag you down with them.  Choose who you stay with wisely and who you leave behind even more so!

I hope you evaluate those around you a little differently now. So as always my darlings, stay pretty and prepare!

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