Monday, May 30, 2011

Still Here...

Congrats!  Mr.  Camping was wrong again and you now have till October to get ready!  This is great news because really, how many of us were truly prepared?  Not this gal.  When I say prepare, I'm not limiting that to a bug-out bag.  Your B.O.B. is of course, of vital importance but are you trained? Are you prepared for extreme cardio?  Don't forget about ninja stealth. Are you capable of leaping atop trees and dancing along the forest floor without making a sound?  If you can't, I'm not here to help you. I can however, make sure you are properly  accessorized.

Now don't be so vain.  I'm not talking about the right earrings or the perfect shoes.  We are entering into a world of minimalism.  We will be migrating through, looking for a safe haven.  A modern day fortress.  And we will only have what we can carry and that which is essential.  Water, food and Weapons.

Since we have to leave the costume jewelry behind, we have to make things pop in different ways. Creatively set ourselves apart...
Knex XM8 10 Shot Rifle 17 by bannana inventor
Probably the closest you will get to finding an XM8 in your backyard...

I've noticed everyone is quick to point out the biggest, the baddest and most effective weapons to grab when we wake up to our surprise outbreak.  But how is anyone without a gun rack on their pick-up or military ties suppose to acquire these?  Call me a skeptic, but I don't think that I will come across an abandoned cop car loaded with p90's and endless ammo.  I just don't see it happening.   Also, I believe assuming that everyone who finds a weapon will be able to use it is just silly, darlings.  To reiterate: you need training.

For many of you, I'm sure the whole gun thing is a little overwhelming.  Believe me, I understand.  I have no idea what I'm talking about!  I do know shooting ranges exist for a reason and it's not to train you for duck hunt.  Take advantage of them.  Select a weapon you can handle, carry comfortably and easily find ammo for.  If the ammo can be used in a secondary sidearm it's ideal.

You are probably wondering to yourself "what does this have to do with fashion?"  Oh my pretties, let me tell you.  All my time playing Black Ops with my husband has taught me one very valuable lesson.  The camo type I chose for my gun never gave away my position.  No matter what map we played.  It was always me and the stupid things I did.   More importantly, the custom gamer and clan tag painted over my ice colored weapon made me feel empowered.  In 2008, artist Peter Gronquist realized the same thing when he created a collection of designer weapons for an exhibit in  Los Angeles.  Genius? YES!  Sure these puppies will set you back a pretty penny starting at around 2G's...  but they're designer!
D and g desinger gun
If Gucci and Chanel are not your thing, ask your local gun store owner what areas of your firearm are safe to bedazzle and paint.  I'm sure they get that question all the time.
Gucci rifle

Let us not forget the mighty sword!  Even Bilbo Baggins had a custom blade. So why shouldn't you?  Melee weapons are often dismissed due to the close proximity to the undead required for use.  I say, use the beautiful sunny days to master them!  Why not cut up your sweet, mouth-watering watermelon with a machete for your next bbq.  Familiarize yourself with easy to acquire tools and practice in the backyard.  Your sharp-thing will outlast your ammo and provide much needed stealth... assuming your lazy ass has made it this far.  Even throwing knives have their place.  They're light, easily attached to your ankle, thigh or arm for quick accessiblity and of course, upping  your hot, badass factor (But they are insanely difficult to master!).  Don't rely on a throwing knife to deliver an undead-kill shot.  These are more to buy you time, and protect against hobos.  When shopping for your blades, be sure not to get replicas.  You don't want to be dinner because your cheap and lazy. Zombie Tools is a great site with battle-ready swords.  They are hand-crafted in the U.S. and they look amazing!
Zombie tools vakra kukri new 600
"The Vakra" is one of the AMAZING blades at Zombie Tools

They even have a blade modeled after the Kukri- the very same our hero uses through the pages of The Reaper Virus!  The Zombie Apocalypse is a very serious hazard of our post-rapture future and we need to be realistic about what we will have.  Do some shopping now so you are not relying on the remains of your ransacked, zombie-infested Wal-Mart for your most important accessory.
Posh saw 7
Who are we kidding!  We all have dreams of charging towards a zombie with a chainsaw revving in our grip!  Slicing limbs off, one by one before decapitating rotting corpses...  Just imagine the power!!!  But chainsaws didn't even last forever in dead rising, they certainly won't in real life.  oh, and that little power supply thing...  So darlings, choose your weapons wisely and please stay pretty and prepare!

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