Sunday, April 29, 2012

Mom: She Can Destroy You!

I may not be an expert on... well... anything; but I know for certain that an angry Mom is worse than the apocalypse.  To avoid a fate such as being set on fire while drowning in a very full port-a-potty, we have compiled a list of great gift ideas for Mother's Day.  Trust me, it would be wise to please her...

What's the one thing Mom's want more than anything else?  Time away from her family!  And don't forget everybody else.  Nothing is more irritating than finally getting 5 minutes alone just to have it interrupted by a home-siding repair salesman or "bait" for short.  It makes me so stabby!  Best prevention:
Necro Mortosis is already here...

These signs are available at the Zombie World News store. They are just like real street signs and made of aluminium.  Anyone approaching your property will immediately be deterred by these professionally disturbing signs.   They will think that either there really was an outbreak or you are batshit crazy!  Even if you are just wishing for an outbreak and don't want to scare the neighbors, these are awesome party decorations.  There are two styles to choose from; depending on how hostile your mum is feeling.   Best to skip this house in favor of a less threatening home...
Since posting this in our yard,  I have had less Jehovah Witness's for dinner but more time to myself.
Maybe you want something a bit more traditional...
"Peek-a-boo!  I eat you!"
Why not a customized Zombie Puppet from Geeky & Cheeky?  Every mom wants that precious darling to hold in their arms and love forever.  They can FINALLY have that with one of these cute little creations!  Each is made to order by a one-woman factory.  Choose eyes, hair and color of decaying skin... unlike your real children.  Mom will be so pleased!  Especially since these ones don't talk back, have baby talons or cost a small fortune.
One of these little spermies is gonna be my bay-bay!

 As a mom who has always dreamed of being muppetized, I can not express how excited I am to receive my very own Geeky and Cheeky creation.  These babies have a two to three week gestation period so you will need to give mom a pee-stick and a note to let her know she's expecting.  Hopefully, this time she won't respond with hours of crying.  I know I won't!... not this time.

they just want to love you forever and ever... and eat your brains!
Since this is Pretty & Putrid, I feel it is important to stress to mum that she is the most beautiful zombie slayer in the whole wide world and that you would do ANYTHING to keep her from joining the putrid masses.  Perhaps a gift basket from Zombie Elite would make the perfect gift!  

Zombie Elite is a fabulous line of skin care designed with the zombie slayer in mind.  Most survival teams don't include a skin care expert... but they should!  Created by a survivalists, with the intention of using natural, scavenged ingredients before and after the apocalypse.
The best part is that Zombie Elite has put together the perfect giftbasket for your sweet dearest mum. All you have to do is order by May 9th to get it in time.  Get your Survival Butter and Apocalyptic Lips Sugar Scrub and prove your plans to protect your mom and her beauty.   
If you're worried that these items are not quite enough, we have one more that just happens to be a shameless self-promotion.
little known fact... I was in Night of the Living Dead.
That's right, my Pretties!  Ballistic Beauties is our answer for Post-Apocalyptic Fashion needs.  And there are definitely needs!  Made from spent munitions, they are the perfect accessory for the Slaying Mum.
woo mom and give her a "shot to the head!"
 You can never go wrong with jewelry and flowers!  At least not when it's from Ballistic Beauties *wink*  We have bracelets, necklaces, earrings, hairpieces and so much more.  You can pick something already made or have something specially crafted for your giver of life.  Remember she made you, she can destroy you.  Place your order by May 7th or you'll be making her a coupon that's "good for one awesome belated present."
 These ideas are all fun, original, affordable and most importantly support small creepy business.  Even if not for Mothers Day, check out these shops and show support.  Who wouldn't want these goodies in their life?  All of them have fan pages on Facebook as well (linked on the bottom) so be sure to follow all the great happenings.  Although there are many, many great shops out there, with wonderful gifts for mom, these are the ones that seemed most perfect for the "Assassinista." The countdown has begun, my dearest.  Choose wisely or risk awkwardly being shoved back into your mom.   That would just be terrible!  Since you've been warned, stay pretty and prepare!... for Mother's Day.

Click on these to get all "like" happy on Facebook:

Zombie World

Geeky and Cheeky

Zombie Elite

Ballistic Beauties

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