5. The lady who cut in front of me at sbarros in August 2007: So there I was, being a cute and very pregnant lady who was also diabetically hungry just waiting to place my order. Suddenly, out of the place immediately behind me, this whore decides to leave the line, walk around my child bearing girth, and step in front of me. Seriously! Who cuts in front of a pregnant woman? So, first the stare began - not subtle at all, I might add. I tried my hardest to breathe fire but nothing came forth due to the diabeetus cotton mouth and quickly dropping blood sugahs. I ordered my food while attempting to shoot lasers from my eyes into her skull. Unfortunately, our insurance didn't cover "laser glare" so since they were never installed and I was not born with the natural gift, my efforts were futile. Finally, when I thought she may escape my wrath, I spoke up to comment how nice it was of her to cut in front of me. "Oh! I didn't see you there" she says... "I'm a dirty trollop and I have crabs" she says... How the freakin poopnugget do you miss an amazingly adorable mother-to-be?!! My wolverine claws had extended but my husband who had gone-somewhere-I-cannot-remember-and-it-doesn't-really-matter-anyway returned and saved her life. He should of just let me cut the bitch.
4. My Husband for saving the life of the woman who cut in front of me at sbarros in August 2007: You should have just let me cut the bitch.
3. The Purple Block: This particular purple block has shown up in every room of our home and is always diving in front of me with hopes to make me trip and stumble and hurt my delicate feet. Oh purple block! Why dost thou attack my feeties? Why must you magically appear in every room? How do you know where I will place my foot next? Purple block... what did I ever do to you? Oh, purple block! Oh purple block! Nothing would please me more than including you in a lovely act of defenestration. You... window... broken... What am I talking about!?! You can't talk. You are an inanimate object that has no recollection of the time we spent. Paris... Milan... the kitchen... the living room... they mean nothing to you. You don't even remember them.
Well, I do... I do.
2. YOUR FACE!!!: Sorry I don't know where that came from... really I just can't decide between Dora the Explorer, Justin Bieber and the guy who lives on the corner of our cul-de-sac. Now those are some faces I want to punch! Mainly the neighborhood jerkface. Besides all the stupid, inconsiderate things he does, his voice makes me vomit. Every time he speaks, goats cry and angels commit suicide. UGH! I don't think it will sound any better as a zombie. This one will be considered community service. YOU'RE WELCOME COMMUNITY!
1. Machael May: Who is Machael May you ask? A nobody really. Just someone who drives me crazy. Not to be confused with that TV host that put's her stupid, whore face on dog food and says ridiculous stuff like "yummo" and "evoo." Nope, M.M. is someone completely different and just happens to drive me crazy. No relation what so ever.
|Machael May... nobody else.|
|Not to be confused with Machael May. This is not her.|