Sunday, June 2, 2013

Pee Time and Crumpets!

Well folks, summer is finally upon us and I don't get what the big effing deal is!  I abhor summer.  It is beautiful, I'll give you that but I don't live at the beach and wake to majestic dolphins swimming with unicorns or watch the sunset with Godzilla or any of that crap.  Summer is hot, humid and everything that bites you wakes up and follows until it can feast upon your sweet honey-flavored blood.  I assume it's delicious.  My jeans spend the season moist with perspiration and everything smells like citronella and my neighbors body odor.  Most importantly, I'm always thirsty.  I hate being thirsty.

 I like drinking coffee and alcohol but not things my body actually needs. This becomes a huge problem especially, say, if the apocalypse happens!... I mean... when it happens.  The need to be properly hydrated becomes increasingly important so you don't die and crap.  Lets not forget the headaches and the lack of candy-coated advil.  I can't imagine that pain relievers will be growing on trees.  More reason to make water your bitch.  

I know what you're thinking... "Kitty, is this really a post telling us to drink more water?"  Nope.  It's about drinking your own pee.  We've already discussed water purification techniques but chances are, no one payed attention.  I bet you're not really prepared either!  Ok, maybe a few of you are.  

Let's just say, you're caught off guard when shit hits the fan, no clean water, it's a gazillion degrees out and you need to release the constantly growing pressure on your bladder.  Are you gonna bag and drink that shit?  Well... hopefully not shiiiiiiiii...... ewwwwwww....

Anyway, Bear Grylls gargles with Honey Badger urine every morning because he wants to remind nature that he don't care.  Afterwards, he starts his day with a nice warm glass of Bear piss.  Bear Grylls Piss. Why? Because he's thirsty and nothing quenches your thirst like pee.   More importantly, he won't be afraid when SHTF and there is no water around.

The question is: will you?  What are you truly willing to do to survive?  Will you snuggle with a bottle of your own liquid waste to keep warm in the winter?  Drink it to stay hydrated in the summer?  I think I know where I fall on this chart...

To be clear, I don't want anyone to have to succumb to the warm elixir of waste.  I certainly don't want to be part of any group that has to partake regularly.  The point is, don't assume water will be plentiful and clean. I won't say this often but stay pretty and prepare or... drink your piss.  The choice is up to you.

Enjoy your summer!


  1. Bear Grylls has my sunglasses. That son of a bitch! I hope that honey badger rips his nose off so those glasses just continuously fall off of his face!

    1. That smug bastard! I can not believe he is rocking your style...

  2. Nothing makes my day better like a post from you telling me to drink my own pee. And because you tell me to, I will. I hope you get to live at the ocean so you can see unicorns riding dolphins, tell the man-meat to hurry up and buy you a beach house!

    1. I hope you never have to drink pee, my dear. I hope purification systems abound and you are safe from the unprepared. I don't want a beach house... just Godzilla. I don't ask for much.